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I have never been really great about sharing my thoughts with those closest to me for fear that it wasn't what was expected of me or perfect.  Instead I locked them up in my head or notebooks that were for only me to see.  I have found that this hasn't been the most effective way of dealing with things.  This blog has become like a very small window, if that's what you would like to call it, to what I'm thinking.  Although it hasn't been the most consistent, its about as consistent that anyone could expect from a consistently inconsistent person like me.  It's more than I would be willing to say to anyone face to face.

Tonight, I was going through a few things that I had written about my book.  (Yes, the same one that I'm pretty sure you all have thought that I have forgotten, but have not.  I promise!  It's still a work in progress.)  I wrote this after I finished my book and although it seems to have a few spoilers, it says a lot about what it took for me to get it on paper to the typed version.

August 21, 2009

Six and half years, a dozen notebooks and 3 written drafts later, I finally finished my book earlier today.  The closer I got to that point, the nervous I became.  I'm not sure if its the fact that this was something that I could always come back to or what, but when I wrote that last sentence that all went out the window.  I was finally done getting my thoughts on paper, slowing bringing each of the characters to life.  When the characters moods changed, so did mine.  I never really understood that until I really got into this.  I was asked how much of me was in the main character and I didn't realize how alike and different we were until I started flipping though the book.  I didn't want her to be too much like me, but I wanted to make her human, someone that anyone could relate to.  It was the same thing with the other characters.  There were times that I hated the two main characters, on separate occasions of course, but at the end, they couldn't have been anymore perfect.  They were both people that if they were real, I would have loved to meet.  In a way, I felt the same way about the villain, William Carson.  As much mayhem he caused, anyone could tell that when he was committed, there was no turning back.  Also, that he loved Devyn with all of his heart.  This was completely evident in the end.  This was one of the harder parts to write because this was the scene where she finally gets her answers before saying good bye to a man who had been such a big part in her life.  A part of me wanted her to walk away during the dinner scene, but it would seem too "big-screenish" and I really didn't want that.  I wanted her to be civil and calm.  She could fall apart at the end.  While I was rewriting this, I realized that a good chunk of what I wrote was unnecessary and could make any reader lose focus, something that I don't want.  The scenes that seemed the shortest in written form were the ones that I expanded on, since these were "more crucial" to the story than the drawn out scenes that were pretty much useless.

Now that I'm finally done, I can now say that I finally finished my book.  Am I proud of my work this far? Of course I am!  That's the only reason why I wrote this in the first place.  So to me, congratulations!